The more you push into the question of who you are in Jesus Christ – the more you might start to feel push-back into things that have potentially been contributing to your male “identity.” The male outlook on life seems to have a very particular slant to it. Often, the same components keep appearing to try and define us.
The ones I have commonly encountered appear to be very straightforward at first glance—provider, Protector, Hero, and Heartthrob. I think most of us have wanted to fulfill some (or all) of these roles in who we are. And they each certainly offer positive points to embrace. However, they also possess potential thought paths that can quickly become twisted as we pursue them.
Let me try to show a few of these dangers with some carefully crafted descriptions:
PROVIDER
I am the sole breadwinner. I will single-handedly conquer every worldly work challenge. And I will obtain by any means necessary all of what is required to give me (and my family) a life worth living.
PROTECTOR
I keep the many things that I hold dear safe and secure in my tight grip. No one can take away what I have earned/won. They are all mine … people, things, and anything else I see as belonging to me.
HERO
I will always win. I am faultless and unassailable in my position and abilities. All of those around me are affected positively by my presence. Everyone can benefit from having me available to save them!
HEARTTHROB
I am the BRIGHTEST LIGHT and the CENTER OF ATTENTION. I am the STAR OF MY STORY, and everyone else is merely A SUPPORTING CHARACTER. I GAIN STATURE AND STRENGTH every day because I constantly drink from the fountain of MY OWN WORTH.
Did you catch them? The highlighted wording that subtly causes these ideas to become debilitating lies & traps to get stuck in. Bits and pieces of thought that lead us away from our God-created center. In short – building in us a completely false sense of VALUE.
My father shared many insights to try and help me growing up. Work hard for as many hours as it takes. Earn, save, and never stop. It’s about whatever you can acquire (including people!). It all reflects on you. Carve a personal path. Climb the mountain and stand triumphantly on the top. Be seen and appreciated.
Now, my father was not an unusually cruel nor competitive man. Yet, his outlook for success spoke a very particular line of male thinking – it’s all about me. I am defined by my victories. Earn & Achieve. Work endlessly to build YOUR OWN kingdom. All the while worrying & wondering if you’re good enough to be granted what you desire. I didn’t realize at the time that these points were actually the song of the world.
But have we not heard a different song?
“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.” Ephesians 2:8–9 NLT
God created us from the ground floor up. We are designed to be whole – possessing all we need because He has given it to us right from the very beginning. Nothing to prove. Nothing to work toward. Just the need to connect to something …
HIM.
He brings us peace. He brings us strength. He is discernment and wisdom. He is healer and provider. But we have to welcome all He is into our way of thinking and being. We must fully embrace Him. It is our reaching for more of what and who He is that shatters the power of the voices of the world. We are freed from the lies and the false paths that we may have heard or seen.
In this moment, stop and consider the things you hold important. Think about how much you need or want them. Do they try to define who you think you are or want to be? That’s a tricky question, to be sure. But here’s an even tougher one to consider: Where is God in your equation of all that you hold dear and look to?
“And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7 NLT
Having our Father with us has never been based on our performance. I’ll say it again: there is nothing to prove. He values us simply as His sons & daughters. Made whole in Him and all that He is and welcomed into His forever family by a sacrifice beyond our abilities to live up to or payback. We truly are valued beyond words.
And what is expected of us? We simply need to invite Him in. Give Jesus the roles of Provider, Protector, Hero and Heart’s Love! Move the focus off of yourself and onto all that He is. In that adjustment, you will see a whole new road open up before you. And choosing to walk it will help you realize your true value – to Him, yourself, and everyone around you.
