“I call on the LORD in my distress, and He answers me.” Psalm 120:1
I can’t even count how many times I have cried out to the LORD, who answered me in my distress. I love how He shows up in the very instant of my despair. I know God doesn’t just visit. He dwells with us. He is so faithful. His thoughts towards His children are so wonderful—our perfect heavenly Father. But there are times I fail to remember this. In my prideful way, I believe I’m strong enough to carry my grief and hurt. I forget to cast my cares on God, surrendering the moments of despair and sadness to Him, whose hand knows no weight and is always willing to carry my pain. He has done it before. Yet, on August 8th this year, I had one of those moments where I forgot that He had. But again, He showed His patience and love toward me.
On August 8th, my husband and I said goodbye to our 13 ½-year-old fur baby, Kiki. He came into our home in 2012 as a rescue, just under two years old. It was a time before my relationship with our Lord started. But when my journey with Jesus began, and I thought back to my days before, I believed little Kiki was a gift of God into my life. He was the joy that took me for long walks. It was during this time that I began to talk with God. My days started with taking him out in the morning, and through the years, as his health began to decline and he got older, I gave him a pill for his heart and held him for a while before I sat with the Lord. Every day, this was my routine for over 12 years. Kissing Kiki goodbye was so difficult but necessary. I have no regrets.
On Friday, August 9th, when I woke, I was aware Kiki wasn’t in the bed. I was sad but wanted to be brave. I felt the sadness would leave in time. We’ve been through this before. As I got out of bed, I said, “LORD, I’ve got this!” I thought I had it all together. Then I stepped out of the room and into the hallway, thinking I could move forward in the day. But suddenly, there was a wave of pain in my heart, an unexpected heaviness and confusion about what to do next. This little guy who had set the tone of my morning direction for so long wasn’t there, and I didn’t know where to go or how to begin my day. I found myself lost in the hallway. I started to cry so hard, and the weight was so heavy in my heart. I made it to my couch in the family room, where I usually pray and do my devotionals in the morning. I don’t even remember walking into the room. By now, I was sobbing in despair. All I could say was, “LORD, I don’t know what to do…HELP!” It was like I completely lost my direction to begin my day. At that very moment, I felt a lifting of the pain and weight of what was crushing my heart, and I began to think more clearly. I realized then that it was Abba answering my call for help. He was taking that heavy burden off my heart. I could actually feel the lifting. As I sat quietly, I felt the comfort from Holy Spirit wrapped around me. He didn’t take away my sadness, but He sent His comfort. The hole in my heart will gradually be filled with my many fond memories of God’s sweet gift, and my sadness will again turn to joy. He didn’t take my tears because He was collecting them. His bottle must be pretty full. As my clarity of thought returned, I remembered what I said when I got out of bed,” LORD, I’ve got this.” I realized I put myself first. I forgot to surrender my sorrow and grief and ask God to guide me in my next steps. Here I was, thinking I could have handled it all; I could carry the weight instead of giving it to God. I forgot to hand over my grief to the One who desires so much to take the burdens of our life’s struggles. As I began to pull myself together, I was nudged by the words, “I’m the first in your day.” Then, I prayed a prayer of gratitude and repentance. In His perfect timing, God shows up. This is the faithfulness and love of our God, who never fails us.
I thought of the Israelites who would forget all the LORD had done for them. But in His faithfulness, the LORD would give them what they wanted. Then they realized what they wanted wasn’t the best. So they cried out to God and repented, and the LORD showed up. I think of all the times there have been discussions on how the Israelites would still forget after seeing all the miracles, wonders and provision of our God—shame on me; I did the same thing. But God, in His faithfulness, showed up again.
I read this quote, “Every time I don’t know how I’m going to do something….God shows up.”
Loving Father, thank You that we can’t hide from you; there is no grief or struggle, fear or danger that You don’t know. Forgive us, LORD, when we forget; forgive us of our pride. In Jesus’ name, we ask You to search our hearts, LORD, so that we rid ourselves of our prideful thoughts and actions. Create in us pure hearts that love you deeply, trust You and submit and surrender all to You. Help us to remember LORD all Your goodness toward us. Thank You, Father, that when we call on You, You answer. Amen
