Surrender and Believe

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)

My family went to a Baptist Church until I was about five years old. I have a few wonderful memories of church and Sunday school up until that age. However, our family began to fall apart, and we stopped going to church shortly after that. Alcohol, abusive behaviours, and marriage breakdown began to overtake my parents and became my everyday reality.  Dad moved out when I was ten, and another abusive man took his place in my mother’s life. Life as a teenager was so messed up that I tried to kill myself when I was sixteen. I saw this as the only way out of the circumstances I found myself in; I felt so powerless. By the grace of God, I wasn’t successful in my attempt to end it all. My life slowly became more tolerable once I got out on my own a couple of years later. However, at this point in my life, I had very much lost sight of God and didn’t even give Him a second thought.

A voice in the midst of dark times

I got married in 1983, and my husband and I were both looking forward to starting a family. Unfortunately, after a miscarriage and several years of medication and fertility clinic procedures, I was deeply depressed that we could not start the family I so desperately wanted. I had to stop all the medications due to unwanted side effects.   It was now 1989, and as I stood in my kitchen looking out the window and feeling engulfed in a pit of sadness, I heard a voice in my head say, “Go to church.” This was such a foreign idea for me at this time. I looked around to see if anyone else could have said that, but here I stood alone in the kitchen and the only one in the house. I rarely attended church, but I couldn’t shake this strange experience of hearing that “voice.” I began to attend church regularly and pray for a baby.  I was astonished seven months later to discover that I was pregnant.  It was then I began to wonder if God was actually real. After our first child was born, I felt that I owed Him, big time, if He was real! I told God that I wanted to believe in Him.  I told Him I was choosing to believe in Him but would He please give me faith as I still had lots of doubt.

The beginning of an amazing journey

God answered my prayer for more faith. Step by step, day by day, year by year, He revealed more of Himself to me. It wasn’t an overnight revelation or anything like that, but as I continued to seek Him, He continued to show up.  At first, I would think, God, is that you?  Then I’d think no, it was just a coincidence.  But over and over, He would show up in the circumstances in my life to the point that I had to stop denying Him and start to believe He was real.

I retired from my day job in 2017. I knew I had delayed God’s call for too long already, and it was time.  Even though I would receive a pretty good pension, leaving this lucrative job still required a tremendous amount of faith as we had a mountain of debt, a mortgage, and two more kids to put through post-secondary. I had heard God calling me to give up my very stressful and demanding job for many years, but I kept depending on myself and not on Him. It was extremely difficult to work full-time and be the parent I wanted to be to my kids.  God was calling me to a different path.

Since that first call I heard in my kitchen, I’ve been on this incredible journey of faith. Since 2017 God has been so faithful to cover all of our needs and more!  Now I find myself working on my blog page, publishing a book, spending time with my new grandson, and working on little local missions as God leads( The reduced stress load has made my life much more enjoyable.  Where before I was existing, now I’m thriving. God just keeps showing up everywhere, helping me through hard times, teaching me new ways, and showering me with so many good things.  This way of living has become my new normal.

Thank you so much, Father God, for calling me and drawing me closer into a relationship with You every day.  Thank you for the life and abilities you have given me.  Please continue to help me use them to serve others.