Deconstruction: The very real process of uncovering our original design.

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God, you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvellously made! I worship in adoration-what a creation! You know me inside and out; you know every bone in my body; you know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” Psalm 139: 13-16 MSG

I love that this verse shows the level of intimacy God wants with us and honouring the specific and unique creation God made us to be. What is also incredible is how science has further helped us understand more how He designed us. Having the truth about who we are is important (see verse above), but there is a very real process to experiencing this truth and embodying it with every part of our being. It is different knowing this cognitively than a deeper internal knowing. Our journey back to our original design (identity) can be very hard and comes from us being present with our current experiences and then allowing God into the middle of it. So, let’s discuss a couple of things that might need to be recognized and acknowledged in this process of knowing this deep love for God, ourselves, and others.

Spiritual bypassing, denial, minimizing. If you are like me, I think sometimes we want to avoid the hard stuff. God is capable of taking it away, so I struggle when I focus on or try to “get rid” of the pieces of me I perceive as bad. I don’t believe God wants us to struggle or causes pain, but He wants us to know His love that is different than anything else, so He might allow the process to be there to know this. What happens when someone (or even yourself) minimizes the pain or struggles you are dealing with or tells you it is because of a lack of faith?

Shame: This is the name. If you have experienced any negative interpersonal interactions, a point of disconnect (I call these attachment wounds), you probably know Shame very well. Maybe these circumstances and interactions in your life have taught you that you need to change who you are?

When I was young, I believed condemning statements from my loved ones about who I was: “I am fat, chunky and too sensitive.” All things that relate to my body and who I am are not good. Here is where my friend “Shame” got stuck. Later in my life, I realized and learned, through science and psychology, that Shame is an emotion that has a purpose. It is the brain’s way of dealing with the threat of disconnection!

My brain had to make sense of why my loved ones would say something hurtful to me, and Shame showed up to bridge that gap, and I learned to disconnect from my emotions. That means I cut off an essential part of how God created me. I distrusted a core part of me and then believed something was wrong with me. When I really took steps to let love in (God’s love is unconditional and never wavering), it pushes against this old, programmed way of thinking. It does not feel good and even terrifying at times. Did you know I eventually discovered that emotions are how God speaks to me? I am a “feeler,” connecting with God’s love and loving others through my emotions. This is literally the very thing that helps me honour how uniquely God designed me. You are unique in the way you hear from Him too. There is no one right way to hear from Him. (For more fun information, you can check out Prophetic personalities by Havilah Cunnington https://truthtotable.com/prophetic-personalities/). We just need to create space and time to hear from God that fits with us.

Okay, we need to have another real honest conversation. How many of you have ever experienced this feeling of Shame within the church community? Maybe a leader or another Christian told you that it is “the enemy”? Or that you lack faith? Of course, the church is full of imperfect people, too AND having a safe place to work these things out is so important. It can feel isolating if we don’t have environments that help us accept all parts of who we are. I encourage you to create that space, even for a moment, to feel and reflect. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you. You might realize that the very part of you that was shamed is the same way God wants to use you in this life and how He wants to speak to you. Your story matters. There is no other you. God wants you to feel this intimate and unwavering love. It is overwhelming, but there is no greater gift. Don’t give up on seeking the community that will accept you for who you are.

Let me pray for you.

Abba Father, I pray for anyone that reads this that Your Spirit touches them in a way they haven’t experienced Your gentle, patient love before. Reveal what needs to be known and healed. Remind them of how uniquely and wonderfully You created every part of their body and mind and accept what is coming up. That nothing is wrong with them. You are present all the time, and we just need to say yes to letting You into our hearts more. We know You take care of every need and detail and want nothing more than for us to live a whole and fulfilling life in Jesus’ name-Amen.