Who am I?

The question “who am I” in and of itself infers that I am always the same. It assumes that there is no growth in my life. The truth is that we are all different now than who we were when we were 12, 18, 30 … you catch my drift. In 5 minutes from now, you could have a revelation that can literally change your life.

For most of my life, I kept on asking the question, “who am I?” I found myself trying to be all kinds of people and personalities just to overcome what felt like a lifetime of defeat. I needed and wanted to know how to be authentic; the problem was that I had been a hypocrite for so many years. I didn’t even know if there was anything authentic in me. I was passionate about nothing. I had no aspirations. I trusted no one. I breathed the pain of trauma as if it was the breath of life. I had always acted tough – I wasn’t. Inside I felt weak, like a victim, and that made me angry. Rage and desperation painted their colours on me. Why would anyone want to continue to live that way? That’s what finally finished me off.

Who could assuage the guilt that went so deep it had taken root and bloomed into shame?

The journey to THAT place in my life where I met Jesus took a very, very long time. Here’s where that life-changing 5 minutes came in; I arrived at the foot of His cross with nothing to offer. He came with everything to offer. I literally felt my very nature change; peace came rushing over me. For the first time in my life, I felt free – right then. From there, I went from being a sick and sinful, bitter woman to being made new. My countenance changed. My outlook changed. My personality began to change. My values began to change. Maybe some of you are thinking, “Oh yeah … I’m sure … but you don’t know the life I’VE had”. I don’t. But He does.

I didn’t have to beg or plead with a Saviour I had never met. I called on His name, and He answered. He accepted me as I was, mess and all. He removed my shame. I can’t tell you about my reckoning with Jesus because there was none; He’s not about heaping guilt on His children to keep them in line.  I was so very broken with no direction and no will to live. I wanted to feel clean, worthy, wanted, loved without conditions that I could never measure up to. I wanted to be victorious even without knowing what that meant. He didn’t answer me audibly. He didn’t ask me to explain this and that. He had seen me coming toward Him for years; I had been blinded. He opened His arms and received me, and I’ve never looked back. He says I am loved. I am pursued. I am protected. I am forgiven. I am strong and mighty. I am victorious. I am a conquerer. I am His, and no one can change that, not even me. Am I His slave? No. Whoever I am now is because of what He has done for me.

Who am I? I am who I AM says I am.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV.